It’s been about 5 months since Beyonce’s Netflix Special Homecoming aired (which in the zeitgeist is eons) yet somehow I find myself just as engrossed as I did the very first time I watched it. I’m still not over Homecoming (and yes, I think the Emmy snub was egregious).

I remember my first time watching the documentary vividly. It was late at night, around 11 pm and I was looking for something to watch to unwind before bed. Huddled in my room with the dim light of my side lamp, I clicked the Play button on Homecoming, not knowing that I would not be at all prepared for the magnificence that was about to hit me. I remember getting chills from just the first few seconds once the drums hit. Everything was just so freaking beautiful that I was completely absorbed and couldn’t pull myself away till the end. I cannot tell you how hyped I felt afterwards. Like I could single-handedly take on the world. Or at the very least my super long to-do list that I had been procrastinating.

I’ve rewatched Homecoming several times since then, and listened to the accompanying album even more times and I’m still in awe every single time. One of my biggest takeaways from the documentary was Beyonce’s audaciousness. She redefined the phrase “Think Big”. When presented with the opportunity and platform of being the first black woman to present at Coachella, she decided to go big with her performance. With 100+ dancers and musicians on a custom-built stage and black (American) culture as the focal point, Beyonce went all out to create and produce a radical, game-changing and unforgettable performance.

As a black woman, I used to feel like the world wanted me to stay in my little box. And black women often feel underestimated. I wanted us to be proud not only of the show but the process, proud of the struggle, thankful for the beauty that comes with a painful history and rejoice in the pain, rejoice in the imperfections.

Beyonce

In one of the interludes, Beyonce talks about feeling underestimated as a black woman which really resonated with me. I’ve come to realise that I have a tendency to make myself small in certain situations rather than taking up space. Shrinking to avoid rocking the boat. Staying silent to avoid making waves. Second guessing myself, my knowledge and my abilities. It’s honestly so refreshing to see someone like Beyonce sharing openly her struggles, showing us the sweat and the work that went into BeyChella. Beyonce brought her whole self to one of the world’s biggest stages and in doing so shone the light on so many black womxn in a joyful and celebratory way that most of us are unaccustomed to.

Watching and listening to Homecoming made me feel seen. Made me feel invincible, like I truly could be the HBIC that I aspire to. But most of all, Homecoming made me feel like if I dared to be bold, worked hard and committed to excellence, I could achieve anything.

[Featured image c/o Beyonce]